Super Mario Odyssey is an awe-inspiring tale of the beauty of travel, the value of friendship, and one plumber’s undying devotion to save the love of his life.
Until you reach its endgame that is. Then Odyssey becomes a brutal cavalcade of broken hearts, insurmountable obstacle courses, and a slew of passive-aggressive remarks about your life choices. Yup. It’s just like being dumped at the American Ninja Warrior course while your Aunt Shelly was on commentary.
Here are the 5 Endgame Moments When Super Mario Odyssey was Savage AF:
(Warning: Spoilers for Super Mario Odyssey’s end game. If you want to keep clean please head to the nearest Warp Pipe away from this article)
At the end of the main story, Mario’s faith and resilience is put to the ultimate test. Our favorite plumber has conquered the challenges of multiple worlds to get to this point. He’s beaten his archenemy Bowser, saved Princess Peach and barely escaped a collapsing planet with all their lives. As he dusts himself off, he approaches the love of his life for the first time since the game began.
Then Bowser reappears.
As the two bicker and one-up (heh) each other for Peach’s affections, one thing slowly becomes clear-The Princess has a choice to make.
On one hand, there is the man who literally traveled to the ends of the Earth to save her. On the other, there is the dragon-turtle thing that kidnapped her and tried to force her into marriage against her will.
AND CLEARLY THE CHOICE IS OBVIOUS, RIGHT EVERYONE AT HOME?
Well not if you’re Princess “ICE QUEEN” Peach, it isn’t. Peach just walks by both of them and chooses NEITHER.
And to top it all off, the good Princess doesn’t even thank Mario for anything. In fact, She does the exact opposite: she hops on board Mario’s spaceship, the Odyssey, and steals it and almost leaves him for dead on the Moon!
She didn’t just friend-zone, Mario. She almost murder-zoned him. Heartless.
Finishing the main game of Super Mario Odyssey means you unlock the Mushroom Kingdom, a loving recreation of the Mario 64 world. However, finishing the game is also where Odyssey takes the training wheels off and places vicious Saw style-bear traps in its place.
Nowhere is this more significant than in the very first 2D Mario Segment you encounter in the Mushroom Kingdom. Until this point, the retro segments in the game have been a leisurely, stroll through a nostalgic landscape you once knew from your childhood. Enter this warp tunnel though and this is where Odyssey says “You are a man now, son” and kicks you out the door onto the cruel, pixelated, plumber-themed world on your own.
Suddenly, there’s just a little less leniency on your jumps, the tricks of the stage are just a little less telegraphed and death is just a little bit closer. The kid gloves were off and they were staying off.
Bound Races are introduced in the main game early on in the Shiveria, the Snow Kingdom. In the Races, you control own of these adorable fluff walruses as you bounce around the track in a friendly race. In the Endgame however once you have activated the Moon Rock in the area, a newer, harder version of the race is introduced. Make no mistake, beneath that round fluffy exterior is only a cesspool of sorrow and misery.
I must have restarted this darn race for over a hundred different times. Each unforgiving instance an exercise in futility. See, the Bound Race doesn’t just require impeccable timing and reflexes to win, IT DEMANDS ABSOLUTE PERFECTION.
One single mistimed bound will see you lose your First Place to the bouncing Speed Force-users that are your opponents, only to leave you desperately in 4th or worse.
How could Nintendo even allow putting in this kind of bull crap in a supposedly a fun race in the Mario-verse.
One of the bonus levels you unlock when you finish the main game of Super Mario Odyssey is a new world called the Dark Side of the Moon. It’s basically Boss Rush Mode where you fight all the
Rabbids Broodals you’ve encountered in the game in succession. This is fine. Just a little practice and some elbow grease and you will persevere.
Then you unlock the Darker Side of the Moon.
This is the most difficult level in the game. It’s a checkpoint-less gauntlet of the game’s most brutal obstacles stringed together. The whole course takes about 10 whole minutes to get through, if you survive all its maniacal death traps.
It features such whimsical folly such as:
Long jumping on lava!
An insta-death flying section!
Extreme fork flicking!
Fighting a horde of Sonic-wannabes!
And this, the destroyer of hopes and dreams.
And no checkpoints mean that if you lose all your lives or fall to you death, you go ALL THE WAY BACK TO THE START. Fun!
When you unlock the Mushroom Kingdom, you also unlock the Super Mario Odyssey’s Achievement system. This rewards you with Power Moons everytime you earn new achievements in the game, like buying all the hats from the store or finding all the special coins in a level.
This system is kept tracked by Archivist Toadette who you can find in the Throne Room in Peach’s Castle. Toadette holds the list of all possible achievements and rewards you with a power moon when you check on her after completing one.
However, if you talk to her without any new achievements completed, she’ll instead “reward” you with this phrase:
Wow thanks Toadette! I didn’t really need my existentialist dread seeping into my gaming life and yet here we are.
Mama mia, We haven’t seen a Nintendo game this cold since Ice Climber.
Its-a wrap! For more about video games that are far less savage than Super Mario Odyssey you can triple jump over to our Magic the Gathering Arena Impressions and our Interview with Furuichi Norio of Shin Megami Tensei Liberation Dx2.
And why don’t you paesanos like our facebook page, while you’re at it.
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