Final Fantasy VIII on the original Playstation was many things to many people. To some, FFVIII was a darker, more mature step in a bold new direction. To others, FFVIII was a fun, teen angst-ridden journey about adventure, romance and rebellion. To a young, pre-teen me watching over my cousin’s shoulder as he played it, FFVIII was really frickin’ weird, man.
With Final Fantasy VIII Remastered dropping today on PC, PS4, Xbox One, Nintendo Switch, I wanted to revisit all those oh, so gloriously odd memories from almost a decade ago. Here are the 5 Weirdest Moments of Final Fantasy VIII!
Be warned there be Major Spoilers for a decade long game below:
That Time You Threw Your Dog At Your Enemies
Have you ever been in mortal danger, say an encounter with rival gang members, vicious criminals or ferocious man-eating monsters? Follow up question: Was your response: “I’LL JUST CHUCK MY DOG AT THEM!”?
If you said “Hell No!” then you’re clearly not Rinoa “PETA’s No. 1 Enemy” Heartily!
Time and time again, when the chips are down, Rinoa would just put her poor innocent pupper at risk, making her heal and cast buffs on folks in the middle of battle! At times, she’d just straight up chuck the poor dog at giant monsters without any hesitation.
Her Limit Break, Angelo Cannon, confuses the crap out of me to this very day. I never really understood the exact science of how Angelo, an Australian Shepherd, would just launch from Rinoa’s arm, CAUSE A GIANT EXPLOSION on the enemy and walk away unscathed. One thing’s for sure though, I was really glad every time that she did. Especially after Odin.
That Time Your Principal Gave You a Magic Lamp With a Demon Inside
Oh, Principals. The bane of every teen’s young life. In this case, quite literally. Cid Kramer is the headmaster of Garden/SeeD, the organization/mercenary school that you and your friends attend. As part of your training principal Albus Balambdore and the rest of the academe see it fit to throw students into the deep end and having them fight giant monsters and dinosaurs.
“It builds character!”
However, the icing that particularly takes the hotdog is that time when Headmaster Cid just hands you a magic lamp with a frickin’ demon inside it. He doesn’t explain any of this of course, because where’s the fun in that? Instead he just waits until you rub the lamp and the malevolent entity named Diablos pops up and tries to stomp your friends collective heads through the pavement. After getting out with barely an inch of your life, you begin to wonder how much you just miss field trips and baking soda volcanoes.
That Time Where You Died Dramatically Then Got Up Like Nothing Happened
At the very end of Disc 1, after a failed assassination attempt of the evil sorceress
Fancy Maleficent Edea, leather-wearing, lion-themed, main protagonist Squall is impaled through the heart with a giant icicle. In the iconic scene, Squall tumbles backward off a building as Rinoa reaches out to him. The game then takes this as the appropriate time for a chapter break and prompts you to insert the next disk (Yes we used to do this back then).
After you rummage through your pile of CDs, and perform all the necessary incantations to get your Playstation to read your disk you finally resume the game. After a brief interlude with Laguna (who may or may not be your Squall’s estranged father, long story) You wake up in a strange room with like nothing happened. All Squall’s wounds are gone and he has zero broken bones despite the ridiculous fall.
This non-death is so bizarre that it’s been a topic of speculation among fans of the game for years. The popular theory being that Squall did indeed die here and that everything after is just Squall’s dying fantasies (A FINAL FANTASY IF YOU WILL).
This would explain why the relatively grounded narrative immediately swerves into crazy town at this point with colorful creature servants, weird squid monsters running the school, time travel, giant floating airship battles, and terrifying creatures being locked away on the Moon. Also remember Rinoa, that sweet, naive, terrorist lady who barely gave a crap about you before? Well she’s totally into you now. Yay!
Speaking of Rinoa…
That Time You Find Out Everyone You Knew Grew Up In The Same Orphanage Together
Oh yeah, so remember all your friends, Rinoa, the chick named Selphie, He Who Punches With Dolphins Zell,Trenchcoat Mcree, and your teacher Quistis? Yeah you all grew up in an orphanage together. Yes, all of you crossing paths as adults is all actually just a HUGE COINCIDENCE. Isn’t that crazy? What fun.
You all just really forgot about such an important aspect of your life because you’ve all been using Guardian Forces in battle which takes up a portion of your memory thanks to the Junction System. It’s not like you could forget something else less important, like the names of your favorite Triple Triad Cards or your love of hotdogs because come on, who would want to do that?Instead let’s all forget about our actual formative childhood years so I can summon this giant cactus or whatever! Yeah let’s do that!
Also remember Edea? The evil witch you’ve been trying to kill all this time? She ran the orphanage! Yay!
That Time You Went To Space
So after some plot malarkey happens, Squall becomes appointed the new leader of SeeD and defeats the evil sorceress
Magical Morticia Adams Edea. Then it turns out that Edea wasn’t actually evil at all, instead she was merely a vessel for Ultimecia, a malevolent entity hellbent on becoming the only living being on the planet. BECAUSE EVIL.
The disembodied Ultimecia then transfers her power to Rinoa which causes her going into a deep paralyzing coma. Hoping to find a way to snap his lady love out of the trance, Squall seeks out his “sister” Ellone and discovers the hidden nation of Esthar. From here, out of completely nowhere, the game just nonchalantly asks if you are ready to go to space.
Not even a minute passes by when you reach the Esthar Lunar gate that Squall and crew are asked to hop on the cryo-pod, enter deep sleep and grab the next rocket to space. Before you even get say “Where are we going?” the previously unconscious Rinoa has already been boarded on the shuttle and waiting for you to go. When did we talk about this FF8, WHEN?!
Here Squall and crew also learn about another sorceress Adel, who was entombed in the planets’ orbit in order to prevent Ultimecia from taking over her body and using her as her vessel. Also, yes, this is the very same orbit that you are currently heading towards with literally the living embodiment of Ultimecia. You don’t see what’s wrong with thi…
After that happens Rinoa and Squall have to fight color-coded monsters to gain control of a space ship that they use to return to the planet surface to save everyone from the monsters unleashed from the Moon.
Just let that sentence sink in for a bit.
Revisit these and many more weird moments with the Final Fantasy VIII Remastered available on PC, PS4, Xbox One, Nintendo Switch right now.
What was your favorite weird moment of FF VIII? Let us know what you think in the comments below or on the GG Network Facebook Page!
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